I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
