I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
