Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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