I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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