i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
