i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
