I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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