just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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