Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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