Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
