He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
