I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
