I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
