so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
