I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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