Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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