"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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