no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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