Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize