Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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