My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
