People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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