FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
