HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She announced her abortion via fbk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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