How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
