i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
