My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
COCAINE IS GR8
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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