i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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