at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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