Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
