my mouth tastes like poor choices
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
