i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
