Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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