I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you made out with another girl for some wings
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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