I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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