he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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