At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
