i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
