Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize