just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
