So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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