True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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