I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
