New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize