Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
