Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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