Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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