So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
