dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
where are my eyebrows?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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