Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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