what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
