Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
