The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
