Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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