How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
