This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
