I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
