if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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