Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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