well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
