You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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