all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
