Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
