Your mouth is God's brothel.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
