You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
