you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize