Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
